The One with the Furry Culprit

Living in a house with a garden is not all it's cracked up to be. I've experienced the torment of all sorts of creepy crawlies invading the house that freaks me till no end. Be it bigger than palm-sized butterflies, chameleons taking up residence on garden stools and under spray hoses, the occasional pregnant stray kitty giving birth on your lawn and bits of twigs and sweet wrappers dropped onto the front porch because Mr Birdy is building a nest inside the roof. Oh yes, and did I mention the now familiar Mr Monkey who brings his family of three over to my estate for an all-you-can-eat buffet amongst all the exposed waste bins?

Those I can tolerate.  Nature's wonders. C'est La Vie.

But what happens when Mr / Miss Kitty decides to leave you souvenirs every day on your painstakingly trimmed lawn because it is apparently very picky over where to place it's butt. I have sprinkled pepper over my lawn to keep the fur-ass at bay but on nights which I've forgotten to, I'll awake to a scented lawn bearings gifts for me to clean up.

I never did catch the culprit, since the deed is always done in the middle of the night. Sometimes I wonder what the poor furball would do if I were to keep watch the entire night. Will it suffer from constipation or will it run off in search of better toilets? I'm tempted to tent on my front porch armed with a cane to flick it's furry ass away.

This morning as I was leaving for work, I caught a glimpse of something.

do you see what i see?

Comfortably seeking shelter under Pegs?! How dare thee!

and so we meet, you lawn-shitting furball

I unlocked the gate and went back in to get the pepper dispenser to pepper its ass away from my porch. I peppered the entire lawn and around the car. It seems to know what I'm up to because when I peered under the car it was sitting up, alert and vigilant as the smell of pepper permeates the air. I closed the gate with a smirk on my face, knowing that this kitty is in for some serious constipation today. Hah! Take that fur-ass!