Sometimes, the people who have been doing the right things and walking the right paths get stuck in the most horrid of circumstances out of no fault of their own.
Times like these you know you've gotten screwed over.
I feel deceived, hurt, confused and indignant for being berated and maligned about something that deviated from the supposed plan and somehow along the way, the fault was shifted to me for not being flexible and understanding enough. But just how much deceit can one person take?
I'm exhausted, drained of my reserves. I feel as though I'm fighting a losing battle and along the way, valuable ammunition such as my patience and my sanity is lost. I'm currently scrapping the bottom of the barrel for what's left of my dignity.
Sometimes, I close my eyes in the dead of the those sleepless nights and thought about what could have been and what I've lost. Then my head starts to hurt when I think about the person who caused my misery and my fury starts to build. I may not be able to change what has happened, but I'm certainly not willing to give up my right without a fight.
But in doing so, I'm causing hurt to the one I love the most. And I'm torn, so torn that I don't know what to do.
All I can say right now is, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for causing you so much grievance and giving you additional burden to bear. I'm sorry for being stubborn in believing that we deserve so much more than the shit we are constantly getting from she-who-shall-not-be-named. I'm sorry if I've created a bigger mess than what we started with. But I'm not sorry for fighting back because I refuse to get guilted into believing I've done anything wrong.
My dream right now is simple. To have peace and promises kept. My ultimate goal is still to build a home and a family of our own, whatever and however long it takes. The witch be damned, may she get what she deserves when the time comes.
Je vous aime toujours ma chérie.
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