Mother's Day

Tempus fugit...

It felt like just yesterday when I held Lucas in my arms for the first time, thinking it so surreal that he was finally here, screaming on my chest, taking in his first lungful of air after being incubated for 9 whole months. "My life is complete..." I thought. I never knew that my life would change forever, and that it would be the end of me, being just me.

17 months later, I looked into the mirror while combing my freshly showered hair before pinning it up into a bun without giving it time to dry, all the while running through a list of to-dos in my head before Lucas wakes up from his nap. I stopped to look at myself in the mirror, and I looked like a stranger. Gone are the days of skincare regime and silky locks. My outfits have been replaced by easy to throw on tops and unkempt hair that are dry at the ends. It took my breath away for a moment as I tried to remember what I looked like years ago, before Lucas, before I was a Mum, when I was just Sylvia.

She loved to shop, she loved weekend foodie hunts and late night movies and she loved jet-setting for long holidays twice yearly. I missed that girl, her carefree lifestyle and her voracious appetite for life. Now she drags herself out of bed at night to soothe her crying son, flops back to bed hoping to catch the remaining 2 hours of sleep uninterrupted by wails, then jolts awake at 6am to get ready for work. In the evening, she drags her sorry ass home at 7pm to pick up her little man from his grandma's before heading home to gobble down a really late dinner and hurry to put him to bed. Needless to say, weekends are for cleaning house and laundry along with picking up toys strewn all over the living room. I hardly have enough time for proper sleep and I feel perpetually guilty about neglecting my friendships. Sometimes I struggle with the fear that I'm a lousy parent for neglecting my son on weekdays because I have to work to survive.

But sometimes in the dead of the night, as I stroke the little man's back as he drifts off to sleep, I'm thankful that I have a beautiful son who makes it all worthwhile when he flashes his cheeky smile at me when he wakes, or his sticky hugs as he squeals with excitement when he sees me at the front door. The tedious work day melts away into absolute bliss when I feel his little arms around my neck.

I remind myself constantly that he is growing up everyday and that I should savour every possible moment with him while he still needs and wants me. Maybe one day I can learn to be both a Mummy and myself and to balance both our needs and wants, and to always remember the other man in my life who played a big part in giving me this beautiful baby boy.

For now, I'll take it a day at a time and treasure my time with him, and perhaps learn to love myself more along the way. To my dear son, I hope that you grow up knowing that I wasn't always your Mummy, that I was my own person as well. But I would do it over and over again despite it all.

Happy Mother's Day to all! :)

My bitch of a boss

Life with a new boss is certainly not pleasant. This is especially so if she is a pregnant waddling hormonal "I'm always right and can never be wrong" psychotic piece of work who flirts with higher authority to get her way. 

I'm reaching the end of my limits. 

She recently changed our seating arrangements because apparently the girls getting too chummy proves to be too much for her to handle. Doesn't this sound all too "primary school"? 

On a day to day basis, I'm willing myself to take the high road and tune her shrieky voice out so I don't get a coronary. But it seems to be getting harder with her personal attacks raining on me all too often. There's no point in complaining to the higher management about this because he has been flooded with so much excessive love from her that he walks around calling her "princess". Oh yes, I just threw up in my mouth. 

I need to visit the temple to “打小人” soon. This cannot go on. 

The new yr thus far...

Big things are happening this year and I can't really put into words how I feel. So far 2016 has thrown me 2 curveballs and I've not quite figured out if they are for the best. All I know is, this 15 days in the new year has been a helluva roller coaster ride for me.

I suppose change is all part of life, and at 30, I should be more susceptible to things not going my way. I don't know what the future holds for me, but all I can do is take things one step at a time, and be grateful for all that I've been given. 

Lucas was down with gastric flu at the start of the New Year. That got me worried sick because he was puking and running a 39 degree intermittent fever that went on for 5 days. After 2 doctor trips and countless of medication, he's almost back to his normal happy self, with a sprinkle of phelgmy coughs here and there. This is the longest that he has been sick, but I'm so damn proud of my little trooper. He flashed his first toothy smile at me whilst I was giving him a nice bath after 5 days of moping around and I heaved a sigh of relief. My happy lucas is back :)

I blame myself for not spending sufficient time with him. Then I blame my job for sucking up so much of my energy that I can't bring myself to wheeze his toy car around with him for long in the evening. I swore that I wouldn't be a neglectful Mum, but sometimes I find myself lingering in the shower for an extra 5 mins just so I can have a bit of solidarity. We fight for survival at work and we come home feeling guilty about missing out on small progression in our kid's development. I browsed through my phone gallery and realized that the latest photo of Lucas is 2 weeks old. I remember snapping pictures of him everyday when I was home with him to freeze in time a certain expression, a cheeky grin, a pumpkin smeared lip or to video his first flip. He's growing up so quickly and I struggle daily between choosing to be with him or to provide for him. 

I'm envious of men. They have it easier guilt wise. 

I don't know what this yr has in store for me, all I can say is that it's been an interesting 2 weeks thus far. If this is how the rest of the is going to span out, I just hope that my tired and weak heart can bear the added stress. 

To a (hopefully) great 2016 ahead!!

One of the best days

It has been a rewarding journey thus far. I think I've gotten more recognition in this company than in my 7 years working as a remisier. I'm thankful for the opportunities given to me by my bosses and to my new clients who have supported me. 

Here's to a HUAT 2016!! GAMBATTE!

Lucas's 1st Birthday!

Planning for Lucas's birthday started about 6 months before the actual event. I was worried about securing a venue that allows me to bring in my own caterer and I was really relieved to chance upon a cafe that charges by the hour and has no restriction on bringing my own caterer. Then I had to source for a reliable custom birthday cake maker and I was extremely pleased with Nur's handiwork! 

I can't believe that Lucas is 1! It seems like just yesterday when I met him for the first time in the delivery suite. Motherhood sure is a test of sheer willpower. Right from the first push to the sleepless nights for the past 1 year. But nothing makes us Mummies happier than seeing out babies grow up happy and healthy!

I hope Lucas will look back at these pictures and know that he had an awesome first birthday! Some may say it'll silly to be this extravagant for a kid's 1st birthday but I believe that turning 1 is a milestone, plus I had great fun prepping for his birthday with my trusty decor buddy baba!! She's such a trooper! It would have been impossible to mickey-fy the cafe without her help! ^^

Looking forward to Christmas in just 1 week!! :)

Time stops when I watch you sleep. 

How I wish you'll stop growing up so quickly...

Gold class and more

I've never gotten anything rewarding from my years of working. Perhaps because for the past 7 years I was stuck in a job that was the equivalent to that of a retirement career.

Being in a new vibrant environment has its perks. You mingle with the younger and more driven crowd who constantly propels you to work harder. These past 5 months has been an eye opening experience, because although my work load has increased ten folds, the occasional perks can feel quite rewarding. 

Hubby and I got treated to a Gold Class dinner and movie last night from my company. It was a pleasant surprise because such thing has never happened to me. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves last time being spoilt silly with champagne, a sumptuous dinner and popcorn from the fund house sponsoring this event for an invited few. At least with rewards like these, it makes my hard work worthwhile. 

Here's hoping for a bumper November before I take a break in Dec! 41 more sleeps to Christmas! :)

Happy Birthday Mummy!

My mum has been a rockstar this year. She retired after 45 years of working in the same company to help look after Lucas so that I can go back to work, basically sacrificing her disposable income as well as her freedom to allow me to pursue my career. Not many mums will do that for their children, especially in a career driven society such as Singapore. Makes me truly appreciate what she has done for me. 

Brought her out for an early birthday dinner on Saturday at Si Chuan Dou Hua at UOB Plaza. The food was great but the view was subpar, largely masked by the hazy weather. But Lucas was very happy to be out, and the curious him kept eyeing his surrounding, trying to peek past our shoulders and smiling at random strangers, which can be very endearing. All in all, it was great fun! 

My little boy looks so grown up... *tears*

I really can't help but lament that time is passing by too quickly, especially over these past few months being back at work. It won't be long before Lucas's 1 year old birthday and as I'm finalizing the guest list, it's hard to believe that not long ago, I was watching my belly grow and feeling kicks and nudges from within. I'm just extremely grateful that despite the ups and downs of parenthood, Lucas is a happy and healthy baby. 

Christmas is just a mere 48 days away and I'm so freaking excited! I sooo look forward to Christmas, even more so this year because we get to bring him around and take pictures with Christmas trees! 

On the topic of Christmas, sales are popping up all over Singapore and the crazy Mother in me went a little mad Christmas and birthday shopping for Lucas. My dear son is very old school. He loves Mickey, the dear old Disney icon from the stone ages, so I went and got him all things Mickey. 

Then I went into Gap Kids and picked up some stuff for our family trip next yr. Yes, I am very kiasu. 

And here's the cheeky boy at Saizeriya, which is fast becoming my favourite restuarant in town. Cheap food aside, every table has a screaming baby / toddler. I felt right at home and complete unabashed that my own baby is shrieking at the top of his lungs. We took our leisurely time having dinner because there were no nasty glances thrown our way when Lucas decides to let out one of his long screams. Kudos to the Japanese really, their shopping centers and eateries are the friendliest places to bring kids to. 

Looking forward to a short work week! :)

And so

I've been delinquent on my postings, much apologies. Juggling a teething baby and a new job is a tough feat, one that I'm struggling to cope with due to lack of sleep and long working hours. Life isn't all too pleasant right now, but I'll learn to be positive and see the light at the end of this freaking long tunnel.

Many milestones achieved for little Lucas. He has conquered the art of standing on his own and cruising whilst holding onto something and he can transition from lying down to a sitting position and vice versa with much ease. He's also trying very hard to mouth certain words but have so far succeeded in "hi", the letter "A" and "Maaaa", the last being my favourite of course. 

It's a bittersweet feeling, going back to work. Being paid well is one thing but I lose out on watching him transition from being a baby to a toddler. I suppose I should still take comfort in the fact that he sticks to me like glue whenever I'm around and that bond has somehow strengthened because he doesn't see me around in the day anymore. Full on Mummy's guilt. 

Practicing for NS

"Mummy look! I can make a lot of loud noises!"

This little guy has taken a interest to walking and standing. He stands up all the time and tries very hard to walk from one point to the other, sometimes to the extent of letting go too early and falling on us.

"Lelong Lelong... 3 for $10!"

"Eh why cannot move one? Who's messing with my car?"

Placed him on the NTuC trolley for the first time and he was sooo excited. Why can't adults be as easily satisfied with life?

"Yay Mummy, let's buy everything!"

"Ok, no need just check me out!" :)

We are contemplating signing him up for some classes like Gymboree or whatnots. We thought it'll be fun for him to play with other children. Any suggestions? 

My little munchkin, you're growing up too quickly!!  :(

A new job, and a new beginning

The past 3 weeks has been a whirlwind. I got a spanking new job which I'm pretty excited about. Nothing is more crappy than a deadend job with no career progression. So now that that part of my life is dead and buried, I'm hoping to focus on new beginnings and exciting new challenges!

That being said, certain sacrifices has to be made. I remembered the first day I kissed Lucas goodbye in the early hours of the morning as Daddy Chua whisk him off to my Mum's. I felt heartstrings tug as he clung to his dad and gazed at me with sleepy and confused eyes. I felt such guilt that I almost cried. I miss our mid-morning cuddles in bed and waking up to his sticky little hands all over my face. Those moments are only limited to weekends now, and there's not a lot of time to do that either, because coming home at 9pm every night means having a truckload of chores to do over the weekend. And before you know it, the weekend is over and everything starts all over. 

While at work, I worry about his food intake, his learning progression, am not sure if he will face abandonment issues or thinks that his mummy doesn't love him anymore. Sometimes when I come back home and he greets me with a sullen face, I'm guilted to believe that he's angry with me.

Yes, I know I think too much and that these are unnecessary guilty worries. Any mummies out there who feel the same way?

So, I make it a point to spend at least 30 mins every day to bond with him. I'll nurse him, talk to him, listen to his goos and gaas, read to him or just smoother him with kisses till he squeals. Children grow up too quickly, and I know there will come a day when he will refuse my kisses and struggle to break free from my bear hugs. 

In the meantime, I know I have to do what I have to do. I'm fortunate enough to have my mum look after him so I need not place him in IFC. So I'll just have to grit my teeth and believe that he understands that I'm doing this for him as well. 

To all brave working mummies, I think we all deserve a huge commendation. Let's push on!

TGIF everybody! ^^

Happenings

So proud of my little munchkin, after days of grunting and lunging, he finally learnt how to crawl! We tried to put toys out of his reach and he promptly maneuvered his way towards them and reached out with his little hand to grab it. *tears up*

Time is flying by too quickly. Why is my baby growing up so quickly?

We brought him down for 3rd dose of 5-in-1 immunization last week and he was down with a mild case of fever. So we fed him some paracetamol and patched his little forehead. He woke up early on Father's Day all bright and cheery. Really proud of my little trooper :) 

We head on over to Orchard Hotel for a high tea Father's Day celebration with my parents. Happy 1st Father's Day Daddy Chua! Thanks for being an awesome dad to Lucas and a great partner in this parenthood journey!

So much is happening for the 2nd half of the year. A major turning point in my career, our first family trip and Lucas's 1 year old birthday party which I'm already starting to plan. I'm sooo looking forward to the rest of 2015! It's gonna be a blast! :)

I can reach it.... I can reeeachhh it!!

Mummy why is there a plaster on my forehead?

I love my Daddy!

Happy Father's Day!

Blender fun!

Freshly made pumpkin and carrot purée! I love the Phillip Blender Steamer! Best $159 spent!!

Tasty blended goodness!

All cooled and ready to be frozen!

I hope Lucas likes it!!

Yet another milestone today. My little munchkin can do a sit-up! We just grabbed his fingers and he hurled himself up into a sitting position! Well done my little one! *eyes glistening from proud mummy moment*

Baby buys

I contemplated if I should start the inevitable toy buying phase because it's a slippery slope to accumulating more baby stuff and turning our pristine home into a full blown childcare centre. But as I see poor Lucas waddling on his mat, chewing on the legs of his soft toys, I felt my heartstrings tug and decided to invest in some "educational" toys for him. 

The Early Learning Centre sale could not have come at a better time. Storewide 50% had me really excited. I remember how Ferragamo sales got the pre-mummy me all hyped up. Never would I have imagined that children toys can have the same impact on me.

These are what I picked up for Lucas. We went to the Seletar Mall branch and found it packed with young parents. 

Total damage, $208 down from $416. Our purchases got hubby and I really excited! We might have more fun with them than Lucas! I'll probably keep the 2 larger ones for when he's able to stand.

My 'studious' baby

While we're at it, I've decided to get some colourful books to read to him as well. I doubt he knows what they are but I'm hoping that the colours will entice him! And it gives me something to read to him as well!

Lucas seems to be biting everything in sight, which may be due to itchy guns. Hence, I got him his first ever girlfriend, Sophie! So far, they seem to hit it off pretty well! ^^

My new girlfriends!

"Noms..."

My iherb purchases arrived! Since Lucas is now 6 months old, it's time to bid "free food" adieu and welcome the myraid of puréed food and cereal. The bulk you see here is mostly for outdoor feeds. I think it's better for babies to eat home prepared food because honestly, how can jars of baby food that expires in 6 months ever be "preservatives-free"?

PS: Tried and tested the munchkin spoons. Love love them! Makes feeding so much easier! 

On the other hand, Lucas prefers puréed food to rice cereal. I got this Gerber one from iherb because it's made in the US. Nestle Cerelac (commonly found in NTUC) is made in Malaysia. This is purely personal preference, not because I think Nestle Cerelac is bad. I've read that babies do not usually like rice cereal. I think I'll have to resort to more coaxing in the meantime.


To get $10 off your first iherb purchase (min $40) or $5 off for purchases less than $40, feel free to use the code GUJ608!

That's all the damage done for now! Mummy needs to go earn more moolah now :(